Here’s the exact quote:
Because you know what the worst thing is of all? Of all the shit we have seen, all the bloodshed, all the horror—do you know what is worse than all of that? I loved it. I bloody loved it. And I’d keep telling Rhys I was sorry, and I’d say to little Anwen I’m sorry. But I loved it so much. I knew things no one else knew and, oh, I felt so special. And when we lost people, it was so so big. And I could say it was worth it. ‘Cause the bigger it was, the more important I was. And the more people we lost, the more that meant I was a survivor and I was better than them.
Gwen is literally saying she hates herself for thinking like that, but people still hold it against her as if she means it. She feels so guilty for thinking that she’s a better survivor than all the people who died, but people still hate her for it!
God forbid an awesome, independent woman who doesn’t answer to anyone should actually feel somewhat glad she’s alive and that she’s good at what she does. And everyone’s felt that way at some point - glad that something has happened to prove that they’re worth something. How many times have people felt smug about beating their friends in a test, even secretly? Or in sports? Or getting a job when everyone else failed?
Unfortunately, women like Gwen apparently can’t have self-worth, even if they feel guilty as hell about it. She doesn’t want to feel as if she’s glad she’s alive because it disrespects the memories of those who aren’t - and she actually recognises that. People take this quote way out of context and see Gwen as a selfish bitch who doesn’t care about her friends.
When in fact, she’s so compassionate about them and so regretful of their deaths she feels terribly guilty about being happy to survive. She doesn’t allow herself to take any self-worth from still being alive to talk about it
Women on television have to be perfectly noble and badass and think moral and justified thoughts all the time to even be seen as good.
Gwen admits she feels something bad, and even though she expresses her guilt and shame over it, she’s still hated. God forbid a woman can actually have questionable thoughts sometimes.